Saturday, February 20, 2010

Renee Please Pass With No Pain Please Fucking Please...

FUCK I want to scream at the top of my lungs. FUCK FUCK FUCK...I don't want you to fucking die Renee...

Renee, my angel and to so many others, is dying. I spent most of last night crying. I am having such a hard time believing that she won't be with us... That we can't comment on her beautiful Soundless Saturdays, or Fantasy Friday...Wednesday Women... the beautiful art work she finds... I can't even comprehend what this means to me and to all her loving family and friends. It's so heart breaking.

I will never look at bats the same...
They will always be a reminder..
Or any type of black bird, be it Crow, Raven or the common Starling...
These beautiful black birds will reside in my heart with Renee.
Renee, I know that you know how much you are loved...

I remember when we first talked about this Gypsy Caravan... just the two of us... I was going to bring caravan up to Winnipeg and whisk us both off for journeys and adventures unknown. It was such a wonderful daydream I thought it might come true.

I love you Renee, you'll have a place in my heart.

9 comments:

  1. Hi Patee...I have been crying for several days now..but when I read the post this morning I just sobbed..I knew it was coming...I am so beside myself..just no words. I had to step away from the computer today and just breathe.
    I have known for a while she was leaving us..but the thought of her not being here is almost too much to bear. At the same time I want to be selfish and keep her here..the thought of her suffering any pain breaks my heart.
    I had that small hope still fighting for Renee..that somehow we could all make her well..all of our love combined..but it is not to be it would seem and I guess I am in shock. I know Renee feels our love and knows how deeply she is cared for..I know this is true. May she get through this with as little pain as possible..I love her so...Hugs, Sarah

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  2. Hearts are breaking all over the blogosphere. May Renee have no more pain. May her family be comforted.

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  3. There is no one like our darling Renee, is there? We who were lucky enough to know her couldn't help but love her, and we will all miss her terribly. We will have to keep her memory alive in our broken hearts.

    I'm so glad she had a chance to dream of running away in your gypsy caravan.

    Hugs and love,
    xo
    Angela

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  4. I love you Pattee, beautiful post darling.
    I thought it would come true too.

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  5. I cannot believe it; somehow I thought she would recover against all odds.

    Dear Renee, I hope you are free of pain, but can't stand the thought of you no longer being here with us.

    xoxo

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  6. I am just sick about this too. I will never look at bats the same way. I wrote a post about Renee today. I can't believe how much she touched my life in such a short time. I thought she would recover too.

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  7. I am so sad. I wish I at least could have said goodbye. I knew it was coming, but not this soon. I hoped against hope. And yes, FUCK!
    I pray she goes in peace and comfort.
    xoxo

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  8. We are all feeling this fucking crazy love and missing Renee... I can't even speak her name without tears in my eyes....

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  9. oh pattee, cry a river for renee.

    but also look into your heart and you will see that you have reserved a space for her, the gypsy caravan intact, and she will live there, always traveling with you.

    the hard part is not hearing her voice as we have come to know and love it. where are her comments? no more comments? no more essays or BLD's? that is the hardest part.

    in the last days of her life, you gave renee the gypsy caravan. and you gave that to sonia and me too, and then to sarah and silke and any one else who wanted to come along.

    i wish i could comfort you, pattee. i know there is no comfort, no way to accept that renee has to leave. damn and fuck for sure. but our final prayer will be 'thank you.'

    a miracle? if anyone could do that, it would be our renee. there is certainly enough love for a miracle. but don't forget pattee: she gave you what truly matters. it is yours now for all of your life.

    i hope this doesn't make you cry more, but if it does, we both know it's because of love.

    together strong. okay? ♥

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